I live in a world of fantasies, how terribly normal they are. Nothing holds me back besides my own thoughts. Always battling with my thoughts, my expectations, my wishes. Who am I fighting? I'm fighting on both sides, its a civil war, with Artillery. Just tossing mindless bombs, uncaring where they land, knowing that it doesn't really matter, in the end I will hit something important and cause yet another halt. It was once said, all wars are civil. At once it is the greatest truth and worst sick joke the world has ever seen, depeneding on the meaning. All wars are civil because all wars are with oneself, projected outward, or worse still, focused inward. But no war is civil. All wars are horrible things, with no true winner, and oh so many losers... Losers without number, mothers weeping alone in dark places, fathers with dead eyes, brothers with heavy hearts, sisters with warm silent tears, and yourself. Inside we are all of these things. So imagine the destruction of a war turned inward. Imagine being on both sides of a war, imagine every blow to be one to your soul.
I'm done standing in my own way. I'm done with these wars of our fathers. There is in this world such a thing as nonlinear shift in any system. We see it all the time, where logic and structure brake down. Sometimes its at the ends and beginnings, sometimes just at random places. The moment before change, great change, feels much like any other, normal, boring, unimportant. The second before the spark ignites a twig, sets off a branch, lights a tree, burns a forest. Such a small place in time and space, such a small thing, and even before it is a small thing, even before it is, it was nothing. Just another peaceful moment in a forest, the birds singing, the flowers embracing the sun with out a care. Just another moment like so many others.
There needs to be no progression; that is a system I look for in nature. Its what I seek so that's what I find. What else would I see if I got out of the way? What else would I see if "I" got out of the way? Where does fantasy end and reality begin? Can you point to a place and say "Here, this is it."? I can't, just as I see the world I see past the world, because I am in my perception of the world. My perception is the world. So why do I perceive a world of linier expansion? Easy, because I expect to see it, so the better question is why do I perceive a world of liner expansion? Its a long and boring answer, and maybe its not worth going into. Why give it all more energy then it already steals, quick and silent and so seductive. The best question of all is why not stop?
Secrets are best when shared. This is not a contradiction.
The war is done. This moment needs no deflection, no conflict. It can be that easy.
