Doorways

I stand at a doorway, should I enter? Truth awaits on the other side, but some truths are best left in mist and shadow. Is it better to know? Knowing brings so much, really seeing, really feeling, its so different. Have you heard about a song before? Its not the same as sitting down, putting on the headphones and really listening. Being swept away by its melodies. Are the words at all meaningful next to the power of the True form?

But maybe I don't want to hear this song. I prefer the one I have now.. its peaceful and lovely and absolutely breathtaking. I wont change the channel, just yet.. just yet.

Time, and the becoming there of

Every time I feel sure, again nothing is as it seems. Cold metal a forgotten dream. Now warm and liquid, now glowing from within with golden rays, quietly, faintly. But even the candle rages an inferno in the dark, cold, night. Now we count the days as they pass. The hours shift around in the stack, and only a few seem worth looking forward to. Oh how time changes us. But its all just an illusion. On how many levels? That the question, I guess.

Bridges rise and fall on the wind, and the torch follows its will, not mine. Ashes and dust replace mighty noble strength. And the wheel turns and all things return. But not for oh so long...

I know not what the morrow gifts us, but I can say, that for now, I am happy. I don't want to label this, I just want it to live on forever. Trust is something I will never give up on. I still give it away at every turn. I'm following my guiding star, and she will always keep me safe.

Taken

I don’t know how to feel. Your perfect, your taken. Should I be sad that I most likely never see you again? Should I be happy that your out there? That there are a million just like you. Goodness you had me entranced tonight.

Its okay, after the passing of the past, after the dispelling of Nuria’s enchantment, thank you for showing me magic is real. Curse you for showing me such magic and then walking away. I’m sorry, that’s not fair of me. Its just my loneliness speaking, its just your eyes dancing in my minds eye.

Today I turn 23. Can you imagine? Why do I still feel like a child? Today I swear I stand unashamed. Today I am calling out my demons. Come stand and show your cards. I am a man grown, full of love and a need to be close to a woman. I want to hold you in my arms, and kiss you gently, and send you to the edge of madness, send you to the edge of sanity, go with you to the extreme of pleasure. Today I am unashamed. I stand up for my right to love and be loved. The days of fear and loathing are past.

But.. your taken.. such a shame. I can say is, that man is a lucky man. Does he even know? Its amazing how I can’t get away with anything anymore. I complain that I feel isolated, and the next night there is 12 people over. I say goodbye to Nuria, and who is this angel at my door?

I’m not mad, I think I’m happy. I’m very happy. Its just a sign, but it’s a powerful one. I can’t help these feelings, I always have them, but today I am unashamed. I am 23, and a man, and full of desire. I need to hold, I need to love, I need.

Such Chill

Its weird that you can still hurt me from your frozen thrown where you rule your kingdom of ice. Why would I want apart of that world? I know, ice can be beautiful in its sweet sorrow. We want to comfort it and try and warm it up, but it knows it will just melt. Better to be away, back in your ice caves. But I still feel sad. But you know the honest thing? I feel sad for you, not for the loss of you.

You finally got what you feared, expected and invented along the way. Weird huh? In the end you were dragging it out of me. So what else is there to say? I just showed you the truth and you made it about insults and pain. I showed you a crossroads and you picked this path without a second thought.

Nuria, I said a prayer to your gods for you. I asked them to take good care of you, and bring you the happiness you couldn't take from me or so many others. What else can I do with someone so lost in their own madness? I tried everything else. But I'm done selling myself short, your not worth the bother. I cant change you against your will. I cant love anyone who wont let me. I cant love someone who doesn't love themselves. I cant even respect you because you don't respect your self. You limit yourself with your assumptions.

Nuria, beloved, goodbye.

I know I wasn't the best I could have been, but I tried my hardest, start to finish. Can you say that?

Driver, Oh Driver

I would like to get off this ride. Maybe I never want it to end. Where did I go? How do I just do things and just watch? Sometimes I feel like I'm just watching, like someone else is the real pilot. I'm just hanging on the back of the plane, watching the air move past. Feeling as it rushes over me, touching with spectral tendrils. I know this happens, it doesn't bother me, I don't even know who's talking right now. Is it the One? Or the Me? I guess it's how you define 'me'. I've lost my dictionary, I just knows what feels right. And when it doesn't. I hid so far away, all night. Who did I send out on point then? Someone has to drive this crazy train.

Truth is a bar of a Starsoul. When it is gift wrapped in a soft cloth and given as a offering, it will always be pure. We simply react to its blinding light through our little red glasses. We all wear dozens of them at a time, each a slightly different color. They dance in our eyes and we do not see them. Sometimes the brilliance is blinding, so we let our glass grow cloudy. Sometimes the aurora will dance in colors we cant see, even through the clearest glass. But rarely do we see all the spectrum of the radiance at once. Its always wise to never trust your lenses, and I have. But it will cost. Today it will, but this is just the steps along the way.

Cookie

Fortune cookies. The name is a bit misleading. Anyone who has every opened up one of these communiqué carrying confections would agree, they predict little and often make even less sense. Maybe they should be called Wisdom Cookies. Thinking about them like that, they aren't so laughable anymore. Maybe that how their supposed to be thought of. I’ve seen some that made me stop and think. I’ve seen some that made me feel better. I’ve seen some that had two semi-conflicting messages inside. I’ve seen some with many words which meant little. I've seen only one that took my breath away. It just had two words. Two words that sum up the most important aspect of life, something that so many may never understand.

Accept

yourself.

It looks so small there on the paper, so insignificant. Its so easy to hide, like its a little secret. But inside these two words are perhaps the simplest and most difficult, easiest and hardest thing one can ever do. So much in so few words. Imagine living without trying to justify every action, without trying to excuse every fault, without trying to hide every blemish, without judgments, without embarrassments, without fear, without shame. Imagine living with a noble heart and a strength. Imagine just living. So much in two words. So much in a cookie.

Trade winds

The things that come out of my mouth. My god, if only I would listen to myself. Does it make me a hypocrite to preach the things that I can't practice? To tell someone that its easy to overcome things that I myself shy away from? No, that's not fair... I sometimes am filled with fear and doubt, but rarely do I let it cripple me like it used to. Do I just show a path that I too am on? I'm moving slowly, but I'm on my way home. You may beat me there, my dear, you may. But its no race, we all move at our own pace.

No, its okay. Words are easy, actions are hard. That's why actions speak so much louder, they have such power. Words are not but wind. But think of all that the winds can do. It may push my little dream boat to Elysium. Is that the destination? I just don't know. But I can tell you this, my dear, it's our destiny. All the currents push toward the tower, but we'll never know until we hall anchor and sail. Why do we fear the reefs and whirlpools? Its written in the stars, my dear, it is. If only we would raise our eyes from the horizon, and look to the stars.