What strange ways of thinking. Its hard to imagine that I used to be on the other side of this barrier. I can feel it between us, its the vail over our eyes. Mine is lighter then some, perhaps many. Theres gives good vision, but its baithed crimson blood. Their world is red a white, but atleast their whites are clear.
Sometimes I think of the past days in the church and wonder.. Was it worth it? Of yes, and no, and I just dont know.
There was love there, but it never really felt it was genuine. It was true and real, but it was givien to me out of obligation to the master. Not on my own marrets.
I know I didnt help anything, my actions werent aligned with my whishes. Is it fair to still carry this burden of cold steal? No, not really. But sometimes I feel that maybe I went deeper then that place, not shy away from it. There wasnt enough for me in there words, there wasnt enough for me in their hearts. The biggest wounds come from within the body.
I cant go back, I know that. But sometimes I wonder...
Im I just being stuborn?
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