Sigh of the wind

So much pain, so much. Sometimes it just can even believe it. I really am way to sensitive. I one time made myself cry by pressing someone to open up about something. She started crying harder, and I still had no idea what was wrong, by the time she told me, I was already crying to. What a perfect night that was...
Pain.
From the very start it felt like a dream. Every moment was like a waking dream. Then we woke up.
Pain.
But I cant really say I blame you my dear, after all I had already known you 6 times longer then I should have. A friend, a good friend once told me: "Staying in love is fully acsepting someone as they are."
I did that. I even acsept that who you are is alone. It was a hard thing when I realized that staying in love with you, Nu, ment walking away. No, letting you just walk away. I never left you.
I guess you grew to hate me because I was something that didnt fit your veiw of the world. I never left, like you said I would. How many times did you tell me I would leave you. How many times did you exspect me to hurt you so much that you saw what wasnt there?
I remember one iconic time... I said "Thanks for running this with me." You heard, "Thanks for ruinning this for me." Maybe just that once I am glad that we were stuck in text, broken apart by cold missleading logic. You could just look again and see what I really said.
Thoese were good times, …different times. Round 2 was very different, I think I tried to start were I left off with you. You started off at square one again. No, thats not right, you never left your castle at all.
How many lies did you tell me? How many secrets did you keep? I dont think I ever knew you at all. Thats not true, it was your heart I never understood. I got to know your masks and shells very well. But your heart was always hidden from me.
I like to say I dont understand, but thats only a half truth. I understand what you are and why. I just have trouble with why you never saw whats so plainly painted on your face for all others to see.
Pain.
You fear it, you had it, you need it to survive.
They killed you that day, the real, loving, open you. The girl I think you used to be. When they raped and cut you, they may as well finished the deed. They drove you so far into your self you may never come back out.
Pain. The Beast of man. Taking what it wants. Hurting in blind seperation. Hurting himself…

I just couldnt do that, I would feel every drop of pain. It would kill.